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They’ve made a right Horlicks of it!

May 21, 2009

sketch-alan-sugar-bigYes, yes, I know I said I wouldn’t be Apprentice blogging because the talented chaps over at Watch With Mothers have more or less cornered the market (see) but a badger is entitled to change her mind, and besides, I just have a few brief notes about last night. 

Lorraine vs James in the birth pool
Note how Lorraine came over all embarrassed when the birthing pool lady told her to feel her coccyx. Weird – for some reason, I always think those who’ve had kids are predisposed not to blush at matters ‘down there’. James, on the other hand, went at it with gusto, spreadeagled as he was in the pool, draped over it, huffing and puffing. Good on him! Has Lorraine even had sex? Something tells me it was a once-a-month, light-off affair…   

Kiddie helmets and high heels
Two utterly proposterous invensions. Presumably the kiddie helmet is for when your little darling falls over in her vulger-as-shite heels?

“Making a right Horlicks of it”
Nick invents the next cool thing to say, whilst securing a never-ending supply for his product placement. Bless.

Kate and Howard – devilspawn
Kate: “We can sell those kiddie helmets on parents’ fear”
Howard: “If we lose, we can blame it on Lorraine not finding out the supplier had his produce at the show with other sellers.”
See? Just as evil and calculating as Debra. But Debra isn’t scared to hide it. Or is too stupid to. One of those.

Treat?
Call me an E4-watching neanderthal, but I’d never heard of that famous characature artist. As far as I was concerned, the winning team had won a trip to the Portrait Gallery (which is free to get into) and a characature of themsevles (which you can get down the road for less than a fiver). Oh, and a glass of fizzy wine. Whatever happened to those helicopter rides, and truffle-suppers?

James
Seemed far more capable this episode. I know they lost, but it wans’t his fault – his direction was spot on, he was elloquent in the board room, and didn’t let Ben have a word in. It’s a shame his face looks like he’s short of a brain cell or two.

Cassandra
If Lorraine says “using my instinct”, or “I just really feel…” one more time, I’m going to repeadedly bang my head against the wall. Wearing a kiddie helmet of course. 

The closer we get to the final, the more I think it’s going to be an all-girl final four. Yes, we all know how Sralan doesn’t like women in the workplace, but I can’t see him keeping Howard or James on for much longer. Using my instinct, of course…

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Mel permalink
    May 22, 2009 3:20 am

    Badger, some nice observations, so thank you.

    However, i feel it is my duty to pass on the news that Lorraine is possibly not a stranger to intercourse, and likes to do it clubs with lots of other people engaging in “severe sex” if the NOTW is to be believed.

    You’re welcome!

  2. May 22, 2009 2:29 pm

    Yes, yes, I know about those *shudder* reports. I just can’t believe anyone as frosty and – frankly – unbendy as Lorraine would show her down there parts to another.

    Although the word “severe” does come to mind when thinking about her in THAT way. Coupled with “nausea”.

    Cheers for the comment Mel. Glad I’ve still got some readers!

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