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Let’s get personal

July 7, 2008

I missed Personal Services Required (Wednesdays, 9pm, Ch4) last week but was lucky enough to catch the repeat last night. The premise is thus: two individuals or families trial three would-be employees for two days. They then offer one of them a job. Last night’s was Personal Assistants; so two high-flying executive business types invited three high-powered PA types on a two-day trial each. Or if you want the short version: two fuck wits who need parents, invite capable, professionals to iron their shirts and peel potatoes.

The two fuck wits – or Peter Rosenfelt and Suzi Alexson – both ran their ‘business’ from their own homes. Peter basically wanted a wife but without the sex, and Suzi wanted… well, turns out she wanted Mickey – one of the candidates – almost as much as her teenage daughter did. *shudder*

At first, watching this cringe-fest, I just felt dirty. Watching stupid egos try and get clever people to do demeaning things isn’t actually very comfy viewing in my book. But my interest peaked when Suzi met her second applicant – can’t remember her name, let’s called her Suzie as she was more or less Suzi, just with more make-up. The Suzis – the epitome of North London princesses off to a Vanessa Feltz lookalike competition – started off loving each other (a right pair of Narcissuses. Narcissuses? Narcissi? Oh you know what I mean), and then had a Max Clifford-off. Suzie knew him from L’Oreal (whatever that meant) whereas Suzi knew him… Well he’s just one of her clients. Hopefully. We’ll see. We’re meeting with him tomorrow, just shut up, take loads of notes and make me look important, OK?

Course, Suzi stuffs it up by trying to go in for a kiss at first, to which Clifford backed away, then she told him she was in awe of him, whilst heaving her massive bosoms out for all to see. Suzie and Max cringed with professional embarrassment. Suzie’s main mistake was approaching Suzi about it later. The two uber-egos clashed and it was nail extensions at dawn. Suzi, right, is successful. She’s done loads of PR. She might not have a letter head, business cards or a decent internet connection, and she might not be able to charge her mobile phone, but this lady is on the pulse OK?

Peter Rosenfelt – who’s not gay, OK? Even though he’s a bit camp and might hire a male PA, right, he’s not gay though. Look, he has five girlfriends to prove it. Yeah and he needs a PA to manage his dates for him, so that proves he’s not gay, OK? Do you think he’s gay? Because he’s not. He was just wondering how he came across. Not gay though. Where was I? Oh yeah, Peter Rosenfelt took one potential employee out on a date and then proceeded to chat her up (which further proves he’s not gay. See? Because if he was gay, right, he’d take Mickey out on a date and chat *him* up. But because he’s a homo – sorry – heterosexual male man, right, he took Anne Marie out instead. And chatted her up).

Suzi started Mickey’s trial by getting him to cook dinner for her and her family. Then a load of boring over-the-table malarkey, some bitching on all sides, and Mickey gets both jobs. Probably because both potential employers fancy him. And he brought a notebook.

Looking forward to next week when two people trial housekeepers. Wonder what mundane tasks they’ll be made to do? Polish the light switches, brush the dogs’ teeth… Wondrous.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 8, 2008 1:48 pm

    Yeah it was awful but I watched it. I thought the “gay” bit was very David Brent as was the dreadful Suzie going on about Simon Cowell and peeling potatoes, if there were children about(?!) or something like that. The new age bloke was alarming too. Why do people volunteer to make complete fools of themselves?

  2. July 15, 2008 8:41 am

    Thanks for your comment Suzi. Great to get your side of things, and a behind the scenes account.

    While I’m sure the programme was heavily edited to tell a story and make it more interesting, you simply can’t edit some of your behaviour in the show.

    I’d pop over to the digital spy forums, where one of the participants on the second show has been commenting and makes some interesting, and reflective points.

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