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Night in.

May 14, 2008

Well, I managed it. Went home straight from work and didn’t surface til this morning. Didn’t even pop out for a bottle of fizzy pop and some fags. I’m rather proud.

So things are taking a rather sinister turn over on Oaks, with Darren now roped into the killing of Sean Kennedy debacle. For the uninitiated: Warren killed Louise’s nasty husband Sean (although if memory serves, I’m sure Warren is nastier, but hey) and got Justin to help cover it up. Louise found out ages later but has now been arrested for his murder (something about one of her hairs being found on the body, Sean bribing Louise and beating her up and that). So now, Louise is in jail, awaiting trial, while Warren stumbles about the village trying to find someone to pin it on.

Last night, he set his sights on Darren (or him off Byker Grove as I like to think of him), who smoothly passed the buck onto psycho Jake Dean (currently banged yup in a mental institute because he… went mental. Or something – I missed that ep). I think the theory is, if they can pin it on Jake – who’ll be locked up for life anyway and can’t go to jail because he’s mental – then everyone gets off scott free. Oooh, it’s all quite dark isn’t it? Still, not as bad as marrying someone to then kill them and take their money, or eating disorders, or shagging your sister, so certainly one the Oaks team can tackle with their usual finesse.

On the flip side: Enders. And yet more re-hashed storylines. Well’ard must be the most miserable dog in London – he always seems to be going missing. Something he’s trying to tell us perhaps? Hello, RSPCA? I’ve also lost count of the number of times the sister/best mate getting pregnant by sister’s/mate’s bloke saga has been done. Snore.

And has no one realised that Minty and Heather aren’t actually legally married? At the wedding, Heather was pretending to be Hazel, and yet, when the registrar found this out, they just proceeded as if nothing had happened. Er… First off, that’s fraud, basically, and secondly, you can’t just go ahead with it – they’d need a whole new marriage licence for starters. Tsk. Lazy.

The evening continued in that same style – bored, tired, lazy. Gok is great and I’ve extolled his virtues time and again. But striping someone off and then shoving them in a shop window on Oxford Street doesn’t give your show a fresh twist. It’s just torturous. I preferred it when the subjects had a lovely, tasteful photo shoot where a pro would set them up in a flattering pose. But now they usually always have their backs to the shoppers and then turn, giving them a really unflattering back-fat fold. Not nice. Plus, when they went on the shoot, they got pampered and then had a memento of the day to take away with them. Last night the show’s subject was an actress (hey, at least they admit to it!) who hated her thighs, blah blah blah, snore. Next!

Gordon. At least Gordon will provide some pizzazz, some entertainment. And yes, in between bullying some soap actresses husband for not being able to cook a soufflé (who in the world can cook soufflé who isn’t a proper chef, eh?) and trying out yoga poses with Geri Halliwell, we had a few interesting bits where he got Gavinandstacey’sjamescorden to eat fish eyes, duck tongue and chicken feet. James had proclaimed in his smug way (which is starting to irritate me actually – and how come he’s everywhere at the moment? Just because G&S is feckin lush, doesn’t mean I want to see his smug grin on every show, especially he’s going to giggle and be insincerely coy about bloody Lily Allen all the time) that he was a “bit of a Chinese food connoisseur,” to which Gorden responded with glee, blindfolding Corden and spooning various delicacies into his gob.

Then he had to go and ruin it. I’m all for confidence. I’m all for speaking your mind. But when you let arrogance take over, and you start slagging your peers off just for the sake of it, then that’s just embarrassing – and it ultimately says more about your own skills than the people you’re dissin. Gordon seems to have a problem with fat chefs. First Jamie Oliver then Nigella then that one who looks too much like Richard Stilgoe for my liking. Gordon’s argument is that chefs are setting a bad example to the public by being fat. But why shouldn’t they be lardy? I’d rather a chef enjoyed food and tasted their own (frequently) than one who only ate lettuce and the occasional beansprout. The whole thing only served to make Gordon look incredibly insecure – he’s a top chef, he should be shouting about his own creations, not the size of Jamie’s arse. If he *did* want to get in on the whole obesity debate, then chastise us as a nation, not your peers. Yes, it’s rather jolly at first, but I got rather sick of it towards the end.

***Breaking news***
Just saw the US Life on Mars trailer.

Looks cool. Hating the voiceover (what is it with comedy voiceovers at the moment?) which makes it seem more like a guffawing, bumbling ridiculous mass instead of a taught drama interspersed with wit, but hey ho. Americans, what can you do, eh?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Who permalink
    May 15, 2008 12:33 pm

    Yes, I love a bit of Gok. But same old shop window, same old pose, same half exposed hooter shot. I tend to fast forward through the dull bits until the end when they do their hair and make up all nice and that. I got really quite cross the other week on the product testing thing when they got shiny hair spray muddled up with ordinary hairspray and couldn’t work out why the old barnet had stuck together. I mean, basic product knowledge! Two different things! Fire the researcher!

    *slopes off to count bottles and pots of once-used hair care products*

  2. May 15, 2008 12:59 pm

    Yes I noticed that and got similarly frustrated. I also don’t like it when they change criteria in the middle, forcing the one they want to win into first place. Hmmm…

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