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The lord of the (Ice) Dance setee…

January 14, 2008

Dancing on Ice, the most tricky of the celebrity talent show (in that it’s Dancing. On Ice!), returned over the weekend with a slightly new theme, on a new day, with a new judge and new celebs (and I’m sure there were more of them this time…)

Some things have stayed the same – Pip Schofield is still shouting at every opportunity, along with his fellow shouty presenter Holly Willoughby (whose amazing boobs™ have started to sag, I’m sorry to report). Also, whenever Pip’s voiceover says “Mandy (or whoever) started well in training, fearless and gutsy,” you know she’s going to fall and have a bad accident. Likewise, when a celeb says, “I’m really not sure if I’m going to be able to pull off that lift!” You know they will on the night.

Always great to see Torvill and Dean back on our screens and skating (although I’m really not sure about Jayne’s hair extensions).

So what did we learn from the first programme?
– That Greg Rusedski is a patronising, attention seeking, annoyingly competitive knob. And he can’t dance. (Of course, he has to be to as one of the best tennis players in the world ever ™)
– That older people should not be trussed up in Lycra and lugged around the ice (Aggie off Kim ’n’ Aggie especially). Sorry, but seeing her front wedgy just wasn’t nice.
– That Pip Schofield has aged better than Sarah Green (and Mike Smith).
fountainice.jpg– That whoever put the celebs together with the skaters made a sterling choice in putting Hollyoaks’ Justin Burton with Chav Skater (who actually looks a lot like co-star Jacqui McQueen. Great stuff.
– That Hollyoaks’ Justin Burton will do anything for telly (wasn’t he in one of those celebs-do-singing shows?)
– That having a large following of mindless fruitcakes will get you through to the next round (GMTV’s Michael Underwood, How Clean Is Your House’s Aggie). Being a good skater but being unpopular won’t necessarily (Samantha Mumba).
– That elocution lessons have a lot to answer for (Hear-Say’s Darren Day’s Ex – I’m sure she was northern…).
– That Linda Lusardi’s cheek implants scare the crap out of me.

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