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Come on Janice, here comes the big aeroplane…

November 16, 2007

Ha ha! She’s so entertaining is Janice! Yeah, she’s so funny. I love watching her do absolutely… nothing. Ha ha!

Last night’s IACGMOOH live trial was almost as good as watching paint dry. It was the televisual equivalent of those animal talent shows where the owner tries in vain to get their beloved pet to jump through a hoop, sing a song, stand on one leg, whatever, but the little bugger refuses. It’s just boring. Frustrating. Not very good telly. At all.

And what was worse, was that Janice was being so ungracious about the whole thing. Sure, I’m not for one moment suggesting that putting your head in a box full of massive spiders is easy, but to then repeatedly scream, “Can’t HE do it?” about someone who’s essentially your co-star (and a lot better known in the UK than she is!) as if he’s the help, was appalling. And even when Biggins (ah, Biggins! I love that you have ‘Biggins’ on the back of your top and not just boring old Chris) stepped in to help, he got no thanks, instead, Janice screamed “Ew, don’t touch me!” And it wasn’t even in a funny way.

Then at the end, when Janice had used up so much airtime gurning and crying that they couldn’t actually get the whole thing done, she stalked back off into the jungle, leaving a bemused Biggins to trail, giggling, in her wake. No doubt she’ll stalk back into camp crying and whimpering, lapping up all the attention and leave Biggins, the trial hero (who collected six out of the seven stars) on the sidelines.

What a star that Biggins is. Throughout the trial he was coaxing Janice, like a kindly uncle to he toddler: “Oooh, they’re beautiful snakes, Janice… They’re very nice rats…” cooed Biggins, in a ‘Here comes the big aeroplane’-style bid to get her to just do SOMETHING! He was a bundle of jovial, bubbly, excited, giggling wondrousness and here’s to him. Yes, I’m sure he’ll be annoying and clucky and maybe annoyingly camp, but surely it’s better than the sucking-on-a-lemon-faced Janice or Earth-mother-gone-wrong Lynn.

Speaking of Lynn, I now officially hate her. Yes, hate. Any woman who goes on and on and on about women’s rights, and equality and women being as good as men, and then sits by while a man *gasp* builds a bridge to a treehouse for you, whilst twittering how lovely it was to be cared for and nurtured deserves to… well, deserves a really nasty bush-tucker trial if you ask me…

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