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IACGMOOH predictable first-night post

November 13, 2007

So the morning after the night before for I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here (IACGMOOH) and the press (and GMTV) are all buzzing about Janice and Lynne. To be honest, I can’t give a toss. I don’t want to see bickering like that on my TV these days. Yes, I like some drama, and yes, even a good bitch once in a while, but if I wanted to watch that kind of sniping, I’d have kids by now.

People argue that Janice is ‘great entertainment’ but I say she’s not. She domineering, over powering and she’s not letting anyone else have a pop. How are we meant to get to know the others if she’s hogging it all? Poor Gemma (never thought I’d say that), who had clearly been billed as the main star of the show (at least by the Sun and News of the World) thought forlornly on as the two snatched air time away from her. And because she’s not that smart, she couldn’t work out what to do to turn the drama around to her favour.

And now to Malcolm McLaren. I honestly don’t understand what good he thought this would do him. Did he just want the air miles? A free trip to Australia? What a cock (I have absolutely no idea who he is, and after that little show down with a producer when he said, “Baby, lots of people are waiting for me.” I have absolutely no inclination to).

Katie Hopkins has been flown in to replace him (I knew they’d replace him with a man) and so with the cat truly amongst the pigeons, this year looks like it’s going to be a corker.

Early faves:
Cerys (of course): I think she’s even more beautiful than the supposed ‘models’.
Mark: The way he tried to wind Janice up at the first trial and the way he silently celebrated John cooking for them was ace. He’s going to be fun, I think.

BMTV’s guide to who’s who in IACGMOOH…

Gemma Atkinson
Who? The chesty one off Hollyoaks. Played Dirty Lisa who had an affair with Saint Becca’s hubbie Jake. Also starred in failed ‘Oaks spin-off and occasionally gets her ample baps out for lads’ mags.
She’s the new… Myleene Klass. Expect lots of bikini shots from Gem this year.

Marc Bannerman
Who? Him from the crappy Italian family off Eastenders.
He’s the new… Dean Gaffney/Toby Anstis. Nice guy, bit of a pillock. Not going to win.

Jason ‘J’ Brown
Who? He slam dunked da funk for teenage girls back in the late 90s in boy band 5ive (who were the 90s equivalent of E17 – only better).
He’s the new… Jason Donovan/Peter Andre

John Burton Race
Who? I have no idea. Apparently he’s a chef?
He’s the next… Antony Worrall Thompson. Destined to do nothing but cook for his team, and stage a embarrassingly underated rebellion. Also looks a bit like an old Luke Skywalker.

Janice Dickinson
Who? Apparently a former supermodel. A crazy, brash and annoying due to too much botox and too many people fawning over her.
She’s the next… David Gest/Sophie Anderton. This one could go either way. The kooky, brash, diva American who’s annoying at first could turn people’s opinions around. That, or she’ll bitch and turn her nose up while being a brattish drama queen and thinking the world revolves around her. Does come with some cracking quotes though.

Lynne Franks
Who? Apparently she’s what Eddie in Ab Fab was based on. And she thinks that’s a good thing…
She’s the next… Jan Leeming. Annoying mother figure who gets on everyone’s nerves.

Katie Hopkins
Who? Yeah right!
She’s the next… Paul Burrell? Could enter the jungle being a hate figure, but leave having changed everyone’s perceptions of her. Either that, or she’ll drive everyone crazy (here’s hoping).

Rodney Marsh
Who? No idea. I don’t do sport.
He’s the next… Tuffers, Neil Ruddock, John Fashnu, Nigel Benn. Will most probably fade into the background and not really do very much.

Cerys Matthews
Who? Late 90s queen of indie pop who had a bit of Road Rage (sorry).
She’s the next… Malandra Burrows, Jimmy Osmond. Very sweet. Has a go. But probably won’t win (unfortunately).

Anna Ryder Richardson
Who? Fan of MDF.
She’s the next… Linda Barker. Of course.

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