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X Cacktor

November 5, 2007

I’m giving X Cacktor one last chance next week. If it’s as bland as it was, then that’s it. I’m reclaiming my Saturday nights (well. I’m switching to Strictly Bollocks Dancing anyway).

It’s not that I’m especially gutted about Futureproof, or the fact that that weedy, Welsh, Neil-From-The-Young-Ones look-a-like sung a rubbish song *again* but got kept in *again*…


or the fact that Futureproof’s rivals, Hope, sung out of tune, looked like whores (well, even more like whores than usual) but got saved… No, none of that has riled me.

It’s the reason for keeping Hope that bugged me. Louis was first off: “I’d love to see a bit of Girl Power back in the charts,” he chirruped, unthinking. So… What about the fact that the Spice Girls (the originators of said ‘Girl Power’ are actually back in the charts and are touring soon? And what about your own Girls Aloud? Are they not more or less exactly the same as Hope, except better singers, sexier and with more charisma? Or is Louis a bit put out that he doesn’t represent them anymore? Then there’s The Pussy Cat Dolls and Destiny’s Child (who are rumoured to be getting back together). We’ve got enough girl groups thanks.

Next was Simon’s reason: he wanted to pick someone that had longevity and was marketable. And so he picked Hope. Now, forgive me, but surely – surely – one of the men behind Westlife (one of the UK’s longest-running and most successful bands) should realise that boy bands are where it’s at. Especially looking at Take That’s uber successful reinvention. Yes, girls are probably more marketable. But only because it’s all been done before. Fizzy drinks, chocolate, lunch bags, hair products… What more can you do, except make the band look desperate and bore the public? It all harks back to Popatars: The Rivals, where Girls Aloud won out over One True Voice. What is this? 2002?

Hopefully (fnar) Hope will be out next week and we won’t have to worry (as if) about boy/girl band rivalry. I’m hoping (fnar, fnar) for a Same Difference/Rhydian final. It’ll be a proper good vs evil (in that Same Difference are most probably the devil’s spawns and Rhydian looks like a humble, nice enough chappie) race to the finish.

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