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Cook yourself thin (whilst going to the gym and eating healthily)

August 8, 2007

And so to the return of Tuesday night Nanny State TV. First up it’s Jamie At Home. Mr Badger and I had just sat down to our own supper during this and (because we’re oh so civilized) we didn’t watch it all. But it seemed to me to be Jamie Oliver poncing around his poncey posh garden, showing us what we can grow at home and what to do with them, yes? This episode was tomatoes. I wonder what crusade Jamie will go on next? First it was school meals, now it’s getting us to grow our own food (tell that to those who live in flats you fat lipped, mockney twat) – I’m thinking next he’ll be encouraging world peace by getting us to eat more celery. Incidentally, does anyone else think Jamie’s been on a few too many Turkey Twizzlers himself?

Next, Cook Yourself Thin, another new cooking show promising us that we can have our cake and eat it too – as long as it’s cooked with low fat sugar, is a portion the size of a pea and doesn’t have any jam. Or dough.

Presented by four cool cooks (er…) the show promises fun food with lower fat. Now, maybe it’s the fact that I’m used to seeing waif-like presenters on TV shows, but these girls didn’t actually seem to be very ‘thin’ to me. Yes, they all had nice curvy figures; all very healthy and they were all (apparently) a size 10-12. But there was one really meaty one, that I really wouldn’t take cooking tips from if I was trying to lose weight. And there was one who I’m calling the Lurch of the group, towering as she did over the others, head almost off camera at some points. They were all very horsey and jolly hockey sticks, all fake cooing when their first victim came back after her awful make-over (more on that later).

The point of this show was to find healthier alternatives to the ‘naughty’ food we all love. So Annie from London’s roast dinners turned into roast chicken (chicken is healthier than lamb), new potatoes, squash and cabbage. Sorry, but that ain’t a proper roast. For one, new – NEW – potatoes? Bleh! No, my potatoes have to be crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. Not some waxy boring tasteless boiled thing. And where did the Yorkshire pud go? I’m not actually a huge fan, but I’m still of the school of thought that a roast ain’t a roast unless there’s a Yorkshire pud.

Next – Apple Crumble and Gitty (or whatever her stupid middle-class I’ve-been-to-boarding-school name was) showed us how to substitute real sugar for low-fat sugar (no shit!) and to use less topping and more fruit (I’d never have thought).

By the end of the show, Annie had dropped two dress sizes and had the usual ghastly make-over (which consisted of slicking her hair back and slapping on a ton of make-up. Horrid. And then this large caption appeared, stating that as well as following the girls’ recipes, Annie had also been ‘encouraged’ to follow a low fat diet and go to the gym. Right. So basically, those recipes didn’t really do much then after all, did they? Annie had been sweating it out at the gym all day for six weeks and eating carrots.

Thing is, everyone knows what to do to lose weight. It’s not rocket science (as proved above). But sometimes, there *is* no real alternative to a naughty cheese-filled pannini and buckets and buckets of PMT-time ice-cream. Mmmmm, ice cream.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Clair permalink
    August 8, 2007 10:17 am

    I saw that. It was a proper swizz, wasn’t it? ANYONE can eat low fat and exercise and lose a ton of weight. And I loathed the presenters – public school poshos of the type who probably eat nowt and supplement that with black coffee, fags and cocaine, hence a skinny frame. I also thought not mentioning the presenters’ surnames made the show look really amateurish. I watched it whilst making a lasagne (low fat mince, cheese, semi-skimmed milk – consequently tasted bleh). I prefered Jamie’s recipe for sausages. That’s what I call food.

  2. Badger Madge permalink
    August 8, 2007 10:23 am

    We had aubergine and mozzarella pasta last night. Mmmmm, cheesey pasta goodness.

  3. Swineshead permalink
    August 8, 2007 11:55 am

    I saw it too – was it just me or did the makeover victim look like that bird Phil Mitchell had an affair with when he was a full blown alcoholic?

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