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Ger Herm then!

July 26, 2007

I’m not sure who I despise more in Big Brother at the moment: the tantrum-throwing, five-year-old Posh-wannabe Channel; or the smug, self-satisfied, self-involved, crack-whore lookalike Charley. Watching both make me want to scoop my eyes out with a rusty spade – thank feck Charley’s set to go tomorrow.

I was quite warming to Channel (who I’m still refusing to call by her stupid misspelled name). It stands to reason that haters of Charley usually fall into the Channel camp, and vice versa. But her antics last night over having to play the violin in BB’s TV talent show were repulsive. If I wanted to watch a small child throw their toys out of a pram, I’d open a nursery. Or get pregnant. Or go and stay with Mr Badger’s sister and her small child (see? Options).

I can’t understand how Channel didn’t see that she could work this to her advantage. Surely being modest and humble and doing a not bad version of Vivaldi’s Spring would have portrayed her in a better light than storming around the place, screaming and crying and yelling that she wanted to “ger herm…” Seems Channel isn’t as clever as the BB psychologists would have us believe.

Watching her standing in the garden with Ziggy (dressed in leather trousers) on one side and Carol (dressed in just a shirt and fishnets *shudder*) on the other whilst bellowing that she looked ridiculous was the last straw for me. She can go next week, please.

Charley meanwhile did a simpering and sycophantic impersonation of a TV presenter, lapping up the attention and visibly hating it whenever anyone spoke over her. I’m thinking of a new drinking game where you have to take a gulp every time Charley looks in the mirror, fluffs her hair up and pulls a face that makes her look like one of those gurning rubber faces you get in joke shops. But I’d rather be sober to watch BB – I fear watching drunk will give me nightmares.

The true star of the talent show was Tracey, coming up with excellent one-liners, such as (to Ziggy, ex Northern Line member)”You’ve come to the end of the line!” when he shoved his chest in her face during his rendition of Northern Line’s Love On The Northern Line. Excellent.

In fact, of the housemates that performed, Ziggy had the potential to make the biggest fool of himself, but he just got his head down and did it. No mess, no fuss (sounds like a bathroom cleaner) and preserved his integrity in the meantime. I’m not saying I like the pretentious, middle class tosser, but he did handle the situation with grace. Something Channel needs to learn…

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