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No woman, no cry…

May 31, 2007

Yes it’s the BB post you’ve all been waiting for, Badger Madge’s round up of last night’s desperate wanna-be-a-has-beens and shrieking dolly birds in this year’s BB8.

First, the house.
Not sure I understand why all the weirdness: a bath in the living room (possibly to provoke titillation and sexual encounters), the kitchen sink in the living room, the oven in the bedroom and the fridge in the garden. Are BB just desperate for gimmicks this year? What’s the point? To make the housemate’s lives difficult? Well surely they can come up with better, more creative ideas than just moving white goods around the house…
And what’s that telephone about, eh? Ooh, excitement. Except that we’ve had phones in the house before, albeit in secret rooms etc, so no doubt it’ll just be another way that BB can contact housemates. I’m hoping they’ll be able to receive calls from viewers at some point, which might throw the cat among the pigeons as it were (especially concerning the inevitable bitching that will occur).

On to the housemates.

Sam and Amanda: As if one shrieking, Chantelle-a-like wasn’t bad enough we’ve got this vapid pair to endure this year. All they seemed to be able to say was “It’s pink!” and strut about giggling and whooping. If these two chipmunk-type superficial princesses are representative of 18-year-old girls today, then I fear for this country. I really do.

Lesley: Germaine Greer, WI type. A self-confessed omni-incompetent (she’ll get on with the twins then) who used to be a stand up and considers Charles and Camilla her friends. I think I’ll like her; she seemed to grow more and more irritated the more screaming girls entered the house. But how (and why) does someone like her come to the conclusion that a summer in the BB house would be a good idea? She’s not exactly representative of demographic is she? I can’t imagine her watching last year and thinking, “Ooh., that’d be a great idea.” I’m sure she’ll walk. Soon.

Charley: Claims to be a South London It Girl. Used to be a lap-dancer but is now unemployed. Loves money, but doesn’t earn any herself. She has ‘Charley’ tattooed on her upper arm – perhaps to remind her of her name? Related to some footballer. Can’t cook or use the washing machine. Loved the booing and chanting of “Get a job!” She must go.

Tracey: 90s rave culture throw back. This year’s Pete. Is 36 but looks mid-40s. Will be interesting to see what she’s like without her usual stimuli of music and drugs. Is she a man? Is she a ‘bit special’? She thinks the celeb she’s most like is Julie Walters. Hmmm… Can’t see her donning ballet shoes, but maybe as Mrs Overall…

Chanelle: Wants to be either a speech therapist in Spain or famous. The epitome of today’s youth who are a) named after products because their lazy parents can’t be bothered to look up a proper name (Levi, Kookai, Earl Grey) b) Just wants to be famous – BUT FOR WHAT? Argh! Posh wannabe – actually tries to get at least one “You look like Posh” comment every night. But she’s to fat to be Posh.

Shabnam: Well, she’s very acceptable in the 80s, isn’t she? Quite liked her; she likes reading on the toilet and makeup. She also likes eating. Good for her. She’ll no doubt become an annoying Kinga type though. And is she a man too?

Emily: Drama student *chokes back bile* Anyone who says, “My parents have always made me understand the value of money,” is always going to be loaded, however much she pretends not to be. Another classic quote: “There’s this new music taking over the country. It’s called Indie.” Sweetheart, Indie isn’t new. Ever heard of the 90s? Oh this girl just keeps going: Claims to be intelligent by quoting Tony Blair’s “Education, education, education,” but then claims to be a Tory (well, I suppose there’s not much difference nowadays). She either wants to run a magazine or a fashion label, which suggests to me she knows bugger all about either industry. If she did, she’d not lump the two together. No, she obviously thinks both industries are glamorous and require not much work. I hope she spends a good few months on a magazine one day. She’d be chewed up and spat out.

Laura: Welsh Beth Ditto/Matt Lucas look a like. Loves food (ie she’s a jolly fat bird). Quite like her. Think she’ll be bearable and my top tip for success.

Nicky: Bombay Catholic who likes electro music and is sick of men. She’ll like the all women house then (for now). Think I might like her attitude too. But she has the potential to be annoying.

Carol: A ‘Before’ from 10 Years Younger. Divorced bi-sexual (tsk, there’s always one, isn’t there?). Bit of a hypocrite: War is useless, but then says if people want a fight, then she’s up for one. Also hates people who can’t be bothered, but she’s unemployed. Hmmm. Needs a shave. The crowd love a loon, but I don’t want to look at her for the whole summer thank you very much.

Right so… It’s a tad too early to go predicting anything right now. After all, this new Friday bloke might be great. Or he might not. I reckon he’ll be gay and they’ll keep the women away from men for a while to really get their urges pent up. Then they’ll release a few hotties into the mix and stand back to watch the copulation happen. But I think Laura is a very strong contender as is Shabnam (as long as she doesn’t go down the Kinga route).

Not too thrilled wit this year’s pickings. The twins must go soon followed closely by Charley. I have no time for squealing and pink conversations. I want action and drama this year. When they’re gone we’ll be in for a very interesting er… ride.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. swineshead permalink
    May 31, 2007 9:04 am

    Emily. Must. Die.

    ‘A before from 10 Years Younger’ – inspired!

  2. Anonymous permalink
    May 31, 2007 10:10 am

    Get Carol out and deport her and Galloway to the Middle East with their terrorist friends.

  3. Clair permalink
    May 31, 2007 12:39 pm

    I fucking hate pacifists *starts ‘If we were all like that in 1939, we’d be speaking German’ rant*

    Pity the poor bloke who ends up there on Friday. D’you think he’ll be totty, to get the girls fightin’?

  4. Badger Madge permalink
    May 31, 2007 12:43 pm

    I reckon he’ll be gay. Reckon they’ll keep as many hetro men away from them for as long as poss to really rev them up. Not sure I want to see a horny Carol though…

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