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You’re a dick-head. You’re fired.

March 16, 2007

Yes, yes, yes! The hater of liars, cheaters and light-weights is back. OK, so it’s just for Comic Relief, but this celebrity edition hails the return of The Apprentice (on BBC1 no less) very soon indeed. Can’t wait.

Loving how Trinny calls everyone ‘Darling’ in a not-at-all ironic way. I think I shall adopt this and see how long I last before someone slaps me. Darling.

Also loving Cheryl Tweedy/Cole’s comedy looks to camera. She’s got that The Office trick down to a T.

The show also demonstrated just how much of an absolute arse Piers Morgan is (he’s certainly no stranger to the phrase “you’re fired,” fnar fnar). I read his biography a few years ago and found it really interesting. I actually thought he was a pretty cool chap, until last night that is (maybe he got someone else to write it for him).

He’s the most awful upper-middle class, public-school boy, lost-his-virginity-at-30, guphawing loser I’ve ever had the misfortune to almost be in the presence of for an hour. Fair play to Alasdair Campbell for managing to sit in a car with him, being subjected to idiotic reference to the war after idiotic reference to the war and not pulling Morgan’s lower lip all the way over his stupid grinning shiny head.

From the first few minutes in the boardroom where he arrogantly asked Sir Alan, “Can we get on with it please? We’re busy people,” I was just waiting for the moment when Sir A will inevitably give him all he’s got. Tonight I’m hoping he’ll say something like, “You’re a dick-head. You’re fired.”

Comedy moments of the night:
> Hollywood actor Rupert Everette leaving because he didn’t like the cameras
> Maureen Lipman saying “When you have your hand up a chicken’s tuchous…”
> The Chef-gate kerfuffle. Hilarious.

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