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Bam Bam!

March 14, 2007

We all know how I feel about “what if” documentaries – those dummed-down documentaries that are there to show off the latest in computer technology, or launch the next pseudo-doctor into the fame stratosphere or in my case, to get my head shaking and my mouth spewing the immortal catchprase “EXCEPT IT ISN’T, IS IT?”. Well, last night, I was forced to watch Horizon’s My Pet Dinosaur, the main premise of which – what if dinosaurs hadn’t been wiped out? What if they were around today – what would our lives be like. What do they think this is, The Flintstones?

Well aside from the FACT that humans wouldn’t have even evolved if the T-Rex were still roaming the planet and aside from the FACT that even if we had evolved it would be impossible for both species to live together in harmony, the ‘documentary’-makers still pursued the argument that farmers would be milking Triceratopses (what’s the plural for Triceratops: Tricerati??!) instead of cows as cows wouldn’t have evolved. (So if cows wouldn’t have evolved, how the hell would we have evolved to milk these beasts?)

Even more laughable was the absurd notion that we’d have mini dinosaurs as pets and the even more ridiculous hypothesis that they would have evolved to be scaly walking dino-humanoids, casually strolling around the local Tesco picking out a ready meal and a nice bottle of red for their dinner. Please. How arrogant are we as a species?

And the great big, massive, earth-shattering, shock revelation to this hour of time-suckage? That dinosaurs are actually among us at the moment and we come into contact with them on a daily basis.

Dinosaurs are – actually you might want to sit down and prepare yourself for this, blog reader – birds! Yes! Shocking isn’t it? They’re turkeys and chickens and emus and eagles. All dinosaurs (well, evolved dinosaurs anyway). Gosh, aren’t they clever for that revelation. What they failed to realise is that most viewers would have been taught that in primary school. Maybe even nursery (which makes me wonder just how well-educated these docu-peeps really are). Surely the whole ‘a chicken was once a T-Rex’ theory is at least a good 20 or so years old by now?

Anyway, I’m off for a Chicken – sorry – McDino Burger, which will no doubt be served to me by a scaley, snarling, yellow-eyed brain-with-the-size-of-a-pea McDonald worker. Hmmm, maybe there’s something to this dinos evolving into humans theory after all…

One Comment leave one →
  1. swineshead permalink
    March 14, 2007 12:59 pm

    I actually didn’t realise the bird/dinosaur relationship until that bit at the end of Jurassic Park, which probably makes me a bit thick.

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