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"You’re not my father!"

January 12, 2007

It’s always a bit strange meeting up with old friends again. You worry that you won’t have anything to talk about, that the time apart has maybe changed you both too much to have anything in common any more. They’ve had kids, you’ve both made other friends, you’re in a different job now… But most of the time (I’ve found) you just click back together again and it’s as if you’ve never parted. I love that. That’s when you know it’s true love; true friendship. But what if you’re reunited and they’ve changed beyond anything you can recognise. What if… they’ve turned evil?

This happened to Jade last night on ‘C’BB. I wish I could say it was like the moment in Star Wars when Luke realises that Darth Vader is his father, but a) I might get thumped by various geeky readers (you know who you are) and b) I suppose it wasn’t quite that dramatic. However, it was an epiphany for Jade – in the five years since her first appearance, the thing responsible for her fame (and her life as it is now) had turned evil and was now turning on her…

Watching her in the diary room was fascinating. Torn between her mother and those who hold her career in their hands, she curled up on the chair and bawled that she’d never forgive Big Brother for evicting Jackiey sans shoes (and it was harsh, actually, BB – how could you?). Remember, when Jade was first in Big Brother, BB hadn’t gone evil yet. That didn’t (officially) happen until series five. So to be fair, it must have been quite a shock. Plus, (as they both kept reminding us) because Jackiey was apparently just like Jade when she first went in, Jade was naturally worried about the public’s perseption of Jackiey and the reception she’d get.

On the flip side, Jade is probably Big Brother’s biggest and best advocate, representative and supporter. She’s the most famous ex-housemate and has earned the most from her experiences in the house out of all BB’s 141 housemates. Back in BB2, people were despairing that it was the most boring of the lot – especially the crucial last few weeks when the show usually picks up more viewers. Then Jade came along, all pink satin and kebab and the show was revived again. I suppose Jade and BB need each other, then. So for BB to suddenly bite her on the backside seems a bit odd. I wonder what they’re doing… Top telly, tho, BB peeps. Keep up the screw-turning (just let them have their shoes, yeah?).

In other ‘C’BB news, Dirk went all weird and nasty last night, slagging off Jackiey with That Awful Carole (does he not know he’ll come across as a cold, stuck-up arsehole), calling her an evil person and ‘sub-human’ – and no, actually Carole; no one in this country (bar Daily Mail readers, maybe, but you write for the Mirror and should know better) calls anyone sub-human. Please don’t speak for ‘the people in this country’ you have absolutely no right.

And may I just say for the record that I Love Cleo. I Lurve Cleo. I love her mad hair, her make up, her beauty, her manners, her grace, her strange Grace Kelley accent… Everything. I don’t believe for a second that her emotional appeal to BB after Jackiey’s departure was an act. I think she’s a very sensitive person who is genuanly so good and happy and pure that she couldn’t believe that something that nasty could happen to someone – especially a lady of a certain age, like Jackiey. Cleo is a lady and I love her. Cleo to win (although I doubt she will…).

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