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How to pull women

August 4, 2006

I don’t know about other women, but even if Johnny Depp walked up to me in the street and asked, “Do you want it? Do you want the panda?” I’d no doubt tell him where to get off… Er… OK, maybe not Johnny Depp, but my point being that when 27-stone virgin Neil used this as his best chat-up line last night on Seduction School: Size Doesn’t Matter
(Ch4, 3 August, 9pm), I’m sure it wasn’t just his size that let him down.

Then there was 6’6” Dave who took half an hour to pluck up the courage to even approach a girl to ask for a light for his fag (she didn’t smoke. Bummer) and Adrian, 5’, who’s stuck in a rut as every girl’s ‘just good friend’.

Enter two US lurve gurus (who just so happen to be gorgeous and have clearly poured glue over themselves and then rolled around in their local Gap), who guide the lads on their way to snogging glory. These tips involved touching women (a lot), telling them they’re sexy very soon in the initial conversation (so they know you want more than friendship), and then ‘closing’ described as “the business end of the interaction,” which is where you either nab her phone number, go on an instant date or try and get a snog. Very romantic…

Armed with this advice, our three under-confident losers (in love, that is) try their best to approach women. The results are embarrassing and you do feel hideously sorry for the hapless trio (although end up admiring them for their persistence after myriad knockbacks). Best advice of the evening: if you’re trying to pull, talk loudly. “Loud people don’t scare people; quiet people do.” Yeah… dunno bout you but if someone walked up to me, fondled me (a lot), shouted that I’m sexy and then moved in for the kill, I’d be very scared indeed… Except if it was the Depp, that is.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Chris permalink
    August 8, 2006 8:29 am

    Bloody women! We can’t win! 😉

    (Never saw that programme, but I’d need to be pretty damn desperate to subject myself to such public humiliation…)

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