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You’re live on Ch4, please do not swear…

May 20, 2006

Observations from Thursday night’s BB launch:

1. Bonnehh: funny how her Omgi accent slipped when Pete got her name wrong:
Bonnie: “Mah nem’s Bonehh”
Pete: Hi Bonehh…. Bonehh???
Bonnie (in plummy middle class accent): No, Bonnie…
Pete: Oh. Hi Bonnie. Cool name…

2. Pete: What a guy. A cross between Suggs (in his Madness days) and R2D2, he spitted out “wanker” at posh totty George, who was obviously a tad confused. But what’s going to happen when Davina says: “You’re live on Channel 4 please do not swear.”? Can’t wait…

3. George: The love child of Princes William & Harry, and BB’s Spencer. George is apparently related to the Queen Mum. How proud old granny must be up on her throne in the sky, to know you’re about to become one of the most ridiculed people in the country (after Shebaz and Lea, obviously).

4. Shebaz: Screamed “Look at you!” at EVERY. SINGLE. HOUSEMATE as soon as they’d got their bearings (and sometimes before then). No, Shebaz: look. at. you… Still, at least he knits…

5. Lea: Well. I actually think I’m speachless. No, I’m not: She’s a female Pete Burns. She says: “I don[‘t consider myself a freak… I consider myself abnormal.” I agree, Lea, I agree.

6. Imogen/Miss Wales: Cute, nothing special. A bit Joss Stone. Needs a facial, badly (are we sure she’s only 23??? Get that girl some moisturiser and kleep her away from the fags!)

7. Mickey: “Ugly people give off a bad vibe.” Well, plenty of bad vibes coming from you, Mikey! He’s a strange-looking Vernon Kay with non of his charm. Admits he’d manipulate a woman into being his housewife. That’s what we call emotional abuse, Mikey…

*Oh god, there’s more????*

8. Dawn: So she doesn’t want any friends and hates people. Ahhh, come from the Morressey School of Charm have we? Lovely. Proceeds to hug and kiss everyone. Watch her.

9. Glyn: The Naked Lifeguard. Boring.

10. Richard: BB’s Dan with more muscles. Canadian. Camp. ‘Sexual preditor’ – yawn!

11. Grace: More posh totty. Mum bought her a flat for £340K. Looks like Jenny from Atomic Kitten.

12. Lisa: Yet another loud, in yer face northern housemate. Another “What you see is what you get, “Don’t mess with me coz I’ll tell you how it is.” She’s cute but we’ve sene it all before…

13. Sezer: Fit, arrogant, Syed from The Apprentice’s long lost twin. Bought his mum a house though, so he ain’t all bad. Thinks Lea is “a pretty thing.” Mind you, he did have his shades on at the time.

14. Nicky: Typical Hertfordshire girl. Totally optimistic and stupid. Biggest ambition in life is to be a footballer’s wife. Her parents must be so proud.

So freaks and geeks, slags and fags, totties, hotties.

And a bloke with tourettes.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    May 22, 2006 10:14 am

    Is it wrong to wish that a sniper would take out Shebaz in the garden, splattering his tiny brain all over the neatly manicured BB turf?

    I actually had to hide my ears and eyes with the jumper I was wearing when watching the horrendous cringe-fest that was him refusing to stop touching Glyn.

    Surely a pervy Lorraine Kelly on coke isn’t anybody’s idea of pleasant television…

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