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Cut and shut…

May 18, 2006

10 Years Younger: Bikini Specials (Ch4, 8pm) last night, and first up it’s Lorraine Harvey who’s gone from a size 22 to a size 8 and is left looking like a balloon that has been left tied up after a child’s party on the tree outside the front door for about 8 weeks. Poor girl – not only did she have a 12-year-old’s head on a 90-year-old’s body, but she also had to put up with Nicky Hambleton-Jones poking and prodding, and generally making her feel even more terrible with her sunshine smugness… The one thing I like about Nicky is she gives great insults – all the time dressing them up with sickly sweetness:

“So, Lorraine…” *HUGE SMILE* “You really have no breasts, do you? God, they’re like spaniel’s ears aren’t they? Ha ha! And your thighs, they’re so saggy and look at how your tummy just flops over your bikini right down to your knees… Hilarious! Tell you what, let’s stick you on this beach here and have everyone gawp at you and tell you to your face just how disgusting and old you look, before cutting you up, stuffing you full of botox and saline before I go through your wardrobe and tell you how awful you look. Again. You filthy little sh*t!” *BIG SMILE*

And what a hypocrite this ‘fashion expert’ is – she with her Russian Folk-inspired skirt from last winter (ick ick!), or that wrap dress she’s worn for the last few series (not that having classics is a bad thing, but when you’re constantly nagging people about what’s the LATEST thing, you can’t afford to leave yourself open to ridicule. But she does it so well, so let’s proceed shall we?).

She dishes out her opinions on what’s ‘fashionable’ or what’s ‘in’ or what’s going to be huge for the summer with a voice like a foghorn – it actually feels like your ears are being stabbed whenever she opens her mouth . She dresses each of her victims in the latest trends with no regard as to they’re own personal style – there’s no way any of them would keep the look she gives them, it’s totally false to them…

Watching this series for a good few years, I’ve been wondering more and more just how old our Nicky is… Now that would be the ultimate show, wouldn’t it? She must have had some help in the ageing/looks department – surely a perk of the job, right? She’s probably had some botox – that forehead doesn’t wrinkle once – and she does seem to have that ageless quality that those-that-have-gone-under-the-knife seem to get. Her biog on the Ch4 site doens’t mention her age, neither does her (rather impressive-looking) website Tramp2Vamp

Sweepstake anyone? I’m nabbing 53. Any takers?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. superficialprincess permalink
    May 18, 2006 9:43 am

    I *think* she’s around her mid 30’s. I remember one time when a haggard-looking lady said she was 34 and N.Ham.J said ‘omigod, you’re younger than me!’.

    I quite like N.Ham.J’s cutting remarks though… Everyone likes to watch a good bitch at ugly people and at least these people are getting a free make-over.

    Superficial? Moi?

  2. Anonymous permalink
    May 18, 2006 10:57 am

    She’s 40, really.

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